A Special Day is Coming for Lauren

Dear Lauren,

You are almost to the end of a long year. I am proud of you that you were able to focus on your education. If you can make it through a deployment and a year in the BASW program at UWT at the same time then you can do anything.

I am always here if you ever need to talk. Hopefully we can all get together later this summer and have some fun.

Blessing for a joyous reunion when the day comes. You are almost done girl!

Your friend and fellow Army spouse,

Julia

Lauren Here

The first thought that came to mind was, "What a day." After thinking a moment, I realized that it's only 2:00, and I really haven't done much today. I've been at home in my pajamas writing a paper that is due in about a day and half. I'm almost to the half way point and have six pages of hand written work. I've also been doing laundry, folding and, gasp, putting it away for once. I did manage to get myself presentable (hair, make up, bra) to run across the street and get coffee. So quickly, my thought went from, "What a day," to, "What a life." Time seems to fly, and I can't believe that my year of Lance's deployment is almost up.

My past year (almost, a bit less, he'll be home early!) seems to have been a drone of some sleepless nights, work outs, laundry, dishes, homework and problems! Haha. What a life indeed. This whole time I've just been waiting for my husband to come home so I can have my life back. It's no fun dealing with all of these every day things on your own. I have a laundry list of "problems," things that have gone wrong over Lance's deployment - car stolen, truck broken into, truck egged, lady backed into truck, and now, one of my headlights is out in my car. It seems like such a small thing! Thankfully, I don't drive at night a lot seeing as Julia is my ride to school = ) and I also have both a dad and brother near by to help me with the headlight. But like Julia's blinds breaking, it's just one of those things.

Thinking about finances and paying for school is just another thing on top of the pile. I am not a big planner. I tend to wait until last minute on things, but I'm learning, and hopefully changing! This school year has almost past, just one year left. $11,000 in school loans, not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

I can't seem to focus on very much with the thought of my husband coming home. You should see my to do list! It's crazy. I have a school to do list on the left side of the paper and a cleaning to do list on the right side that's twice as long! Not to mention the grocery list floating in my head. And what to wear, what to wear? I'm also really excited to actually SEE him and BE with him again, but it's so hard to wrap my head around. Sadly, it seems easier to think about all the tasks leading up to it. I can't help but guard myself against the emotions of him returning home. Grande vanilla Americano with cream, you keep me calm, thank you.
The Daunting To Do List


The Coffee & the Cat that keep me calm!!

Julia Here....

When my son was 5 years old I went back to college. It was a crazy life with a full-time job, a spouse who was gone more then home, and raising a special needs child. My mother was helping me take care of my son or college would have been out of my reach. I was a trained medical assistant so I had a good job for the time. My mother became ill and passed away within a few months of my college return. She was struck with a rare form of cancer that took her life very quickly. My best friend as well as my lifeline was now gone in an instant.
I tried to continue my education, but my guilt and fear of putting my son in daycare forced me to quit. As the mother of a special child society pretty much dictated that it was the mother who would take care of the child’s needs. The military reinforced this. My husband was rarely able to accompany us for medical visits and therapy. When my son was 8 years old I was forced to quit working due to my own health crisis.
We had to travel across country for our son’s specialized medical care, and often I had to travel alone. We had to make incredibly difficult decisions for our child over the phone, and I had to go through long surgeries without my husband being present. I often thought that as a mother and military spouse I was expected to suck it up.
Military leaders as well as civilians often voice to spouses that we knew what we were getting into when marrying military. That statement never has made sense to me. Should all people serving their country stay single? Never fall in love? Never have kids? I cannot imagine my life without Scott.
Being military required us to move often. As the mother a special needs child this made my life a challenge in other ways. All school districts had their own interpretation of the laws regarding disabled students and what services they offered. Gathering information and fighting for my son’s rights was usually my job alone as the mother. We have been fortunate to have been stationed near more good schools then sucky ones.
My husband is obligated to anything the military asks of him first, and it was my problem back then that our son was sick. I see this in the civilian community also. The mother is often the one to have to sacrifice her own needs, and career to take care of the family. If women do not put the family’s needs first they are ostracized and looked down upon.
I don't want anyone to think that I have any resentment towards my son. I have been so truly blessed with the precious gift. I have loved every minute of raising a spectacular human being. Raising Joshua has led me in the direction of social work. I have been blogging about these early years to show others a little bit of what it looks like inside the military family. I am not whining or asking anyone to feel sorry for us either. We have raised Joshua to hold his head high, and that he can do anything he wants. Sometimes its all about finding that path that works for us. Scott, Joshua, and I are a great team that has worked together through many challenges. The best thing is that the good things in our life are what we choose to focus on.

Julia Here....

There is a little over a week left of this last quarter of my junior year. I am in the homestretch and only have three papers to complete. I am finally realizing my dreams of an education in a field that will allow me to give back and help others who need help advocating for themselves. I am grateful for the MyCaa grant that covered 2/3 of my tuition costs for the year. We have never qualified for any grant money and this program took an incredible amount of stress off my shoulders. I am trying everything I can to keep from putting us into huge amounts of debt.

Here are a few thoughts from those early years.

In choosing young marriage I had to go to community college instead of the university where I had a full scholarship waiting for me. Within a few short months of getting married my womanhood came to the surface again. I was pregnant. This was just a small glitch on my road to getting my education and “making something of myself”. I knew that as soon as I had this baby I would be able to put the child in daycare and continue school and work. God had other plans for me. During the birth of my son he was hurt in many ways. He has a paralyzing injury, effects of oxygen deprivation, depression and a learning disorder. My life changed in an instant. My husband was obligated to military service and taking care of my sons medical and educational needs would fall upon my shoulders as the mother. If the military had wanted him to have a wife they would have issued him one. I quit college and became a stay at home mom. My son required extensive therapy and medical care. My own mother offered to babysit so I could go back to work. All my sons’ needs were expensive and military insurance only covered so much. My mother helped me with therapy and his medical needs so I was able to work outside the home. I had to find a job and arrange my hours around the needs of my son. My husband was unable to change anything about his work hours or responsibilities. I was unable to continue my education with all my responsibilities. I never got much sleep in those early years. There were never any questions about how as the mother I was the one that had to make it all work. My experience as a military spouse was that I must be strong and self-sufficient. The unspoken rule was that we must handle everything and be grateful for any time our husband was able to be a part of the family. Military spouses do not complain and that is from not wanting others to perceive us as weak. This is a common theme in my community.

Julia Here....

This last seven or so days has just plain sucked. I talked to Scott on Thursday and he said he would call after his 12 hour shift. Five days later I had not heard from him. I know that no news is good news but damn I had all sorts of thoughts invading my brain. Was he hurt or sick and did not want to notify me? Was he upset about something? Well he called finally and had went on a recon mission with the Dutch and some other US Soldiers for 5 days. He left not long after we had talked and he did not know he was requested to accompany this group. OKAY great. I am glad he is fine and I don't know why in the world I let my head spin out of control after all these years. I know the deal. No calls mean no access to a phone. He was sleeping in the sand somewhere. It was almost easier when we had no phone or internet communications in the early days. We had to rely on letters and tapes. I get worried when he does not call and it makes me nuts.

My vertical blinds (they are the fabric accordion ones) on the slider broke last night. I don't think there is a way to get it restrung. It was expensive and way past warranty. Figures. When it rains it pours. That was the little annoyance from this week. I don't have time to write about all the rest of the crap. I bought a new sprinkler and pressure washer and went to use both of them this weekend and they were broken right out of the box. Gosh I hate that. I hate having to return things anyways, but damn I never got to use either one!!!!

My quarter is winding down thank God. I still have way too much work to finish though. I am never this disorganized and scatter brained. I have such strong OCD and I always work ahead on papers etc. I cannot write in a hurry the night before. This quarter was way worse then last. The Seniors in our program told us this would be so much better this quarter. LIES I tell you. I have way too many group projects. One or two is fine, but it is so hard to mesh two learning and writing styles. We have one big project with 7 of us. We have to present a 25 min Power Point. I hope it goes well. My heart and mind is just not with it right now.

I need a break and I need some sleep. I hope the specialist I see next week can give me some hope with my arm. They say don't use it. How the heck do I not use it? My husband is deployed and the kid at college. Who is supposed to take care of the house and yard? I try to ignore the pain and swelling, but it is really getting hard. Just rambling on and on now.

I want him to come home like yesterday. I am ready for a full time life partner. Separations plain suck no matter how many times you go through it. You never really get used to it. I think each deployment has its own set of crap and things that do not go right. I should write a book about all the silly, stupid, and major things that always happen when they are gone!!!

Lauren Here....

I just wanted to post the comment that my dad left on the News Tribune website...

"Do they deserve it more than spouses not married to military memebers? YES, here's why: Military spouses sacrifice a heck of a lot more than typical civilians. Extended separations from spouses serving, many and varied challenges regarding raising a family under those circumstances. Frequent moves making school enrollment impossible or very difficult. Additional college expenses resulting from frequent moves; ie classes that won't transfer. Stress related to being married to someone who has given all in support of the freedom you enjoy. I served for 20 years, it is my daughter whom is featured in this article. Yes, she has and will make sacrifices while her husband is serving the country you naysayers live in. She has earned those education benefits and so much more."

Although no one on the site responded to it, or even acknowledged what he had to say, it meant a lot to me. I guess the biggest thing I've learned in this experience is that the things ignorant, arrogant people say about me don't matter when I have the support of those that are important to me and care about me.

Julia Here---From the Mouth of Secretary Gates: MyCAA News | The Paycheck Chronicles

I hope this is true~~~I think everything we have done and other military spouses all across this country is not taking this situation laying down. We are keeping it in the news and this puts pressure on the DOD to not let the program fade away!


From the Mouth of Secretary Gates: MyCAA News | The Paycheck Chronicles

A poem I got in the mail today from my husband. Julia Here.

ASCENSION

And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.

"Ascension"
Copyright ©1987, Colleen Corah Hitchcock

This man is the love of my life. When I think about all the people that stated that women only marry soldiers was for sex or their benefits really have a narrow view of people. There are many in society that marry for the wrong reasons. These are all walks of life. Scott is my soul mate. He completes me and I him. He is the one person that I WANT to talk to about everything. I love every minute that I have to be in his company. I miss him so much when he is gone. I care what he thinks and feels. When we are separated there are so many things that we will never talk about. We cannot possibly remember everything we want to say on the phone or when he gets back. It kills me when he calls and I hang up and realize I forgot to tell him something I really wanted him to know. I wait for the time we can soar together again my love.

The First Lady on Military Families

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

May 12, 2010

First Lady Michelle Obama Announces Presidential Directive on Military Families

WASHINGTON, DC – First Lady Michelle Obama today announced that President Obama has directed the National Security Staff to lead a new 90-day review to develop a coordinated Federal government-wide approach to supporting and engaging military families. Building on work and expertise by the Departments of Defense, Homeland Security, and Veterans Affairs, the review will involve nearly twenty federal agencies as well as the White House Domestic Policy and National Economic Councils and the Offices of the Vice President, the First Lady, and Dr. Biden.

Specifically, the review will:

• Set strategic military family priorities for the next ten years and identify key military family concerns and challenges;
• Review a cross section of public and private programs to identify the most promising ideas and programs that positively support military families;
• Develop options for departments to integrate military family matters into their strategic and budgetary priorities;
• Examine opportunities for Federal policies and programs to stimulate new and support existing state and local efforts achieving military family readiness goals and meeting military family priorities;
• Identify opportunities to leverage the skills and experience of military family members in national and community life; and
• Strengthen existing feedback mechanisms for military families to voice their concerns and views on the effectiveness and future direction of relevant Federal programs and policies.

The review builds on the Obama administration’s efforts to forge an enduring national commitment to support and engage military families. These combined national efforts will help ensure that:

• The United States military continues to recruit and retain the highest-caliber volunteers contributing to the Nation’s security;
• Service members can have strong family lives while maintaining the highest state of readiness and focus on their military responsibilities;
• Civilian family members can fulfill their own potential while supporting service members; and
• The general population better understands military families and seeks more opportunities to support military families.

“With just one percent of our population—our troops—doing 100 percent of the fighting our military families are being tested like never before,” said First Lady Michelle Obama. “This government wide review will bring together the resources of the federal government, identify new opportunities across the public and private sectors, and lay the foundation for a coordinated approach to supporting and engaging military families for years to come.”

The First Lady made the announcement during an address to the National Military Family Association’s summit – When Parents Deploy: Understanding the Experiences of Military Children and Spouses. Mrs. Obama addressed the state of America’s military families today, outlined a vision of the nation supporting them over the long-term, and how, as a country, all segments of society can work together to turn that vision into a reality. The First Lady, along with Dr. Jill Biden, uses their platform to support military families by:

• Championing a national call to action that both addresses the unique challenges facing military families and recognizes and taps their skills, strength and commitment to service;
• Building stronger civilian-military community ties; and
• Engaging and highlighting the service and sacrifice of military families to ensure their voices are heard inside the administration.

Are you a NILF?-Julia Here!

Are you a NILF?

Seriously please do some QUALITATIVE research before publishing this garbage.

I COULD have worked if I HAD A DEPENDABLE mate then I would have. Oh wait I have a disability
that put me out. Where do I fit? Oh yeah. In the I don't want a job category. How do they figure in the
full time students who raised their kids and now want more???????? I wish I could have had some help
after my mother died with child care and therapy/doctor visits with my son. We did therapy FOUR days a week
on top of numerous doctors/surgeries out of state etc. Would it have been better if I had NOT taken care of
my sons needs? One more way to stereotype the military spouse without the facts/data to back it up. PLEASE
come live in our shoes for a week!!!!!!! Oh and I have volunteered for the military, Red Cross, and for those injured
with Brachial Plexus Injuries. Will we ever be good enough?

Julia Here......

surguch said on March 21, 2010 at 10:03 PM-King 5 News Interview Comment.

To summarize: multiple options are available for spouses of servicemen who desire to go to college. They are free to use FAFSA, like most students do, they are welcome to apply for merit scholarships, they can try and get a job with educational benefits, they can take advantage of MyCAA (although apparently not ALL of them, but many did), plus, apparently, in the future some of their spouses' educational benefits will be applicable to them as well. It sounds, though, that some people are not satisfied with the options that are available (and they have more options than a regular Joe!) and think that they are entitled to more. Why?

I am responding to the above comment.

I love how everyone thinks we want more or feel we deserve more than others. I for one did not qualify for and FAFSA federal aid and neither did my son. I have already addressed that in earlier posts. People make it sound as if I think I should get more then anyone else for college. NOT TRUE. I was promised a grant, and then when it was shut down without notice leaving us all in the lurch I felt it was my right, and obligation to speak out against the shutdown. The DOD should never have started a program that was not equipped to handle ALL MILITARY SPOUSES as the program stated were eligible. ANYONE who got the MyCAA grant, and was eligible for federal aid had to claim this with their school so their financial aid would be reduced dollar for dollar of MyCaa money!!!! Not one person who got the MyCAA grant got one penny more then any other citizen in the U.S.

Mon Mar 29, 2010 08:16 am PDT Report Abuse

Okay well join the rest of the world who has to figure out how to pay for school. I'm a woman and veteran and I understand the frustration. However, our county is in DEBT. We can't afford to hand out money to everyone. My sister is a military wife and most of my friends are. However, I will say I find most spouses feel entitled. You do a lot and we thank you. However, we can't fork over money every time you ask. Get over it and do what most people do. Get scholarships apply for loans and then join a group of us that will be paying off college until our kids go to college. Suck it up and DRIVE ON!

Mon Mar 29, 2010 08:34 am PDT Report Abuse

This isn't for soldiers, it's a hand out for marrying a soldier, should have been canceled long ago!

The above comments were taken from Yahoo News

I HAVE NEVER FELT ENTITLED AS A MILITARY SPOUSE!!! Also we did not ask. This was Secretary Gates brainchild. Once again what do you think we do? We apply for loans and scholarships. $6,000 will NOT get us our whole education. It covered 2/3 of ONE year of tuition.

Julia Here.....

9/11 happened NINE years ago. Rapid deployments are not slowing down. To say that a family that is left behind don't go through anything while their spouse is deployed is crap. Yes we do not get shot at, BUT we do pray when we go to bed every night that God will keep their soldier safe. To worry every minute of every day for years on end that you will lose your life partner is not easy. Death is not the only worry. Many of our soldiers are coming home mentally and physically broken. The spouses left behind are picking up the pieces of their broken lives and trying to hold their families together. There are many military families that suffer in silence. PTSD and physical disability is a VERY REAL part of these wars.

I would like to say that $6,000 to go towards tuition is a drop in the bucket. There are many spouses out there that will end up being the sole bread winner for the family if their spouse is injured in the line of duty and is medically discharged. What about the spouse who loses their mate. To have an education will at least ensure that we can take care of our families if it comes to that.

Lauren again!!

I'm not sure how much my husband is going to appreciate me putting this picture up, but to me, it explains everything about the feelings of having your spouse deployed. And no, he didn't even pose!

My blood started to boil when I read the last comment Julia copied from the website. I'm proud of myself for not even bothering to click the link and see what else people have to say about military spouses. Just because something is hard doesn't mean that you should just back out. I knew, as an outsider, what I was getting into when I got married, but when you're actually in it, it feels so different. You can't even fathom having your husband gone for that long. I spent the first few months of our marriage in denial that he was actually leaving. And once he was really gone, it was devastating. This whole deployment I've been wondering when/if I'd ever get used to life on my own, and I can't, it just doesn't work that way. Even when he's gone, he's my partner, my life isn't the same without him, there's something missing. I will not, "hurry up and divorce so that the soldier can move on and find someone he deserves," just because it's difficult!! What we do as military spouses is the most deserving thing ever! We stand by our soldiers no matter how long the deployment is, or how hard it is without them.

Just thinking....Julia Here.....

I was thinking tonight about the interview that I did for Fox News. Normally Fox News would be saying a social program like the MyCaa was a horrible thing for our government to hand out. Why is it that Fox was willing to have me on? I can answer that. They were excited about the fact that the DOD, the Pentagon, and Secretary Gates had screwed up and in a big way. They were more than willing to let the world know how wrong it was to screw over a military spouse. You think they would advocate for any other "grant" program for higher education? I doubt it.

Thankful today for Skype.....

I am so thankful for technology. This is the closest thing I will get to a kiss for a while. Scott and I are old school military. We were used to relying on letter writing for our main form of communication. We could not afford for him to call in the early years when phone calls were so expensive.

We are able to communicate better with technology now. We can discuss important decisions via email, Skype or phone calls and that makes it a bit easier. The hard part is waiting for them to call and trying to remember what you wanted to tell them.

Julia

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind | KOMO News - Breaking News, Sports, Traffic and Weather - Seattle, Washington | Local & Regional

Here is a story about an organization that is aimed at helping military spouses left behind.

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind | KOMO News - Breaking News, Sports, Traffic and Weather - Seattle, Washington | Local & Regional

KOMO News - Seattle, Washington

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind

by Brian Calvert

SEATTLE -- The idea is to keep these families together, but it can be so much harder when one partner is a couple of oceans away.

Melissa's husband is in the military, and when it was just a few years into their marriage, she was ready to give-up.

"I told him I wanted a divorce," she told KOMO News.

While divorce seems fairly common everywhere these days, there are very high rates of marriage failure when one or both spouses are members of the military. Experts say the reasons are a combination of living apart for long stretches at a time, and not communicating well doing those lengthy deployments.

"I think anyone in the military who says they haven't wanted to quit (their marriage) is probably not telling the truth," Melissa says. She and her husband worked things out, and they've been together 7 years. But they had to learn to communicate better, as well as to rely on others.

"One of the problems as a military spouse is you are incredibly proud," she continues. "You are going to prove on a daily basis that you can do this and that you are proud of your husband. So in those moments when you do feel weak, I think it becomes very hard for us to reach out and say that we do need help."

Anyone who's lost a loved one can relate to "those moments."

"I'll be going along just fine during my day, when I find one of his socks left on the floor," Melissa confesses. "And it's really hard when I catch a whiff of his cologne."

While there are many groups that cater to the needs of military members serving overseas, there aren't a lot of resources for military spouses left behind, which is where Operation Military Family comes in. The group works to counsel military couples, helping them to capitalize on what little time they have for the basic need of any relationship: Good, clear communication.

"These spouses, they live in our communities," says Operation Military Family founder Mike Schindler. "A good number of the population doesn't live on installations anymore."

Spouses like "Michelle."

"Five times," she recalls. "Five different times, we were at the brink of calling this thing (marriage) off."

Besides counseling, Operation Military Family also tries to do "special" things to reach out to spouses left behind. This week, they're promoting something called "petal power" --- as in flower petal. To commemorate Military Appreciation Month, the group wants to specifically remember military spouses left behind. Just go to their website www.operationmilitaryfamily.org , color a picture of a flower, and they'll get it to a spouse trying to hold things together here on the homefront.

"If we would have just had something close to this," says Michelle, "it would have made such a difference."



Julia Here.....

This is one of the comments left on this site.
· 9 hours ago

"I know this is going to get some thumbs down but... I don't really feel sorry for the people left behind here. They aren't going through a war, getting shot at etc. Also, this war has been going on a long time. It didn't sneak up on us. Don't marry someone in the military if you can't handle it. Or if you realized too late that you wouldn't be able to handle it, hurry up and divorce so that the soldier can move on and find someone he deserves."

I love these comments left by people who have never been married to someone in the military and have no idea what we as spouses go through. The person who spoke in the article about marriage and how the lack of closeness and communication can kill a marriage is right on. My husband was a recruiter post 9/11 for four years. The stress this job put on him and our family was incredibly huge. He left this assignment for a one year tour over seas. We had in a sense NOT had a family life in 5 years. We never were together while he was on recruiting. He would come home eat and go to bed. The pressure they were put under was wrecking havoc on his mental well being as well as the family. He would have one day off a week that he would spend getting ready for the next week and worrying about making mission. When he deployed for a year right after I was devastated that we had no time to regroup and reconnect before he left. Our marriage is solid and strong, BUT that is not like we had no issues or problems due to lack of physical closeness or communication.

This is not an easy life for any family so to dismiss this as just deal with it or you should not have married someone in the military is really condescending. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but to live a married life virtually alone plain SUCKS.

My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We did not get married after these current wars started. We have weathered many a storm in our lives.

I did not get married and have a child to be a single parent. No one can tell me that I knew what I was getting into so get used to it. My father was in Vietnam 4 times in 7 years so I know that many a military family has endured lengthy wars.

Julia

Lauren here...

Saturday I was driving home from grocery shopping and had a friend with me. It's the simple things that are hard to do on your own, like bringing groceries home to an empty house. So it's nice to have the distraction of some one with you.

On my car I have two stickers. One says, "I love my soldier!" And the other has a picture of a stryker on it. We're at a stop light and a lady stops next to me and is waving for me to put my window down. My first thoughts are, "Is my car doing something weird?" (I had my engine needs help light go from green to yellow this weekend, but hey, at least it's not red!), then, "Did I leave something on my car? Does she need directions?" The lady says, "I saw your sticker about the soldier..." And I'm borderline panic mode, "Oh no. What is she going to say? Please don't bash the military or my husband, I couldn't handle it!" She asks if it's my husband, and I say yes. And the lady says, "We pray for you every day! Now I have a face to put with it."

I was so relieved. It's good to know that the ugly things people say and think about the military are not the only thoughts out there. So if you're a military spouse, hold your head up high and ignore the people who try to stomp you down. What I've been learning is they're not worth it!

Julia Here....

It is Sunday night and another weekend alone. I love how so many people commented that military spouses do nothing, but sponge off their soldiers service. I have been married for 21 years this year. I have gone through so much by myself because of my husbands duty to this country.

How is it that we are considered privileged and pampered. How many of you have worried yourself sick. I don't go an hour out of my day without catching my breath and trying to ward off the bad and intrusive thoughts. I worry about my husband every minute of every day.

I may not be in a war zone, but my family lives the war every day. I do everything ALONE. I take care of everything that should be shared by two and I do it willingly, but it still sucks.

I cried myself to sleep last night because I could not get my mind to shut off. Some days are much harder then others.

I married my husband for life!!!!!!! I love him and miss him.

I would still speak out for MyCAA even knowing how people would respond. I believe in something and I know that the DOD did not handle this right. I would be going against everything I believe in if I did not tell the world how wrong it is to shut out other military spouses. It is not a secret how many spouses are in this military!!!!! It still hurts to read and hear the nastiness.