Julia's response to the DOD........

I would like to say that $6,000 paid for 2/3 of my junior year of social work at a public university. There are many spouses out there that will end up being the sole breadwinner for the family if their spouse is injured in the line of duty and is medically discharged. What about the spouse who loses their service member spouse in the line of duty? To have an education will at least ensure that we can take care of our families if it comes to that.

MyCAA is an important benefit for military spouses. The following statement disturbs me.

" He offered examples: real estate licenses or home health-care provider accreditations.".

I am a military spouse and grateful recipient of the MyCAA grant. What good is a real estate license today? These examples would land a military spouse a minimum wage job at best. Limiting the program to low wage certificates is not going to better the military spouse and her job prospects. Allow all spouses to use their MyCAA funds to help them get a career that is not only in demand, but can support the family should that time come.

I have spoken to the press on more than one occasion about the MyCAA closure. My classmate and I have started a blog about our experiences advocating for this program. http://julia-lauren.blogspot.com/

I want to encourage the Secretary Gates and the DOD to rethink limiting the program to low paying quickie degree programs. It also bothers me that the statement says that the MyCAA was not used as it was intended. Every one of us who have gotten to use the MyCAA grant was in a program that was covered in the rules of the program.

The DOD listened to military spouses when they said education was a priority for them. They stated the MyCAA program and are surprised it was so popular. This a HUGE need in the military community. Our spouses put their lives on the line for this country and we keep the family going and strong for their return. Without the family you will not have a good military force. We also take care of these broken service members when they come home to us mentally and physically hurting.

DOD may limit MyCAA to job training - Stripes Central - Stripes

DOD may limit MyCAA to job training - Stripes Central - Stripes




THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS HOPING TO HEAR. There is still
no definitive answers coming from the DOD.

Julia

Julia Here.....

This comment was left on the Tribune site. Really nice huh!

opinionated1 wrote on 04/04/2010 07:45:54 PM:

Benda, I think the comments should stick to the subject rather than putting so much energy into criticizing another poster.

I appreciate the service-members but they are not martyrs and I'm tired of feeling like I can't be critical about anything military because, "OMG, they are fighting for our country!" I support our country too, in a different way. It's like military members are untouchable and it's pure evil to be critical. And I adamantly do not support giving money for college to spouses-unless the service-members are transferring their VA education benefits to their spouse-that I agree with.

I know the military members are not making a killing, but try finding a job on the outside that pro-rates your childcare, allows you to live on base free or pays part of your rent/mortgage to live off base, pays you more when you have children, and pays all of your medical bills.

And calling people liberals or conservatives when you disagree with them only makes an argument sound like partisan regurgitation.

Read more: http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010/03/30/1128592/military-spouse-tuition-aid-at.html#ixzz0qieWWkvp

OKAY let me get some things straight here. These are like the myths of welfare that people believe. I call this the military family myths...We DO NOT GET MORE MONEY FOR HAVING CHILDREN, service members either live in the barracks (WHICH IS A BENEFIT), military housing, or out in the towns surrounding military bases. Daycare prorates---how many single parents families do we have right now on Fort Lewis. 17,000 soldiers are deployed and almost 10,000 are married. That is a lot of time spent for the spouse ALONE. The lower ranks are the ones that get daycare cuts. Just like in civilian land. The lower paid workers sometimes qualify for daycare assistance. We also have medical insurance as a benefit. WHOA what a concept. I guess other companies in the US do not give medical benefits, or is it civilian workers deserve and we do not.

Military service is JOB with benefits. Like many other jobs in the U.S. They offer tuition help for continuing education, housing stipends, cost of living raises, employee health and dental plans, etc. OH BUT THEY GET PAID WAY BETTER in civie land. I love how people think we are given things for FREE. Are you kidding me? Every single benefit and paycheck a service member gets comes with a prices. Sometimes the ultimate price of their lives!!!!!!

Lauren Here

While waiting for a phone call that my husband was coming home, I joked with Julia that I was an "on-call" wife. And now the wait is over! I can't believe he's finally home. The entire time I've known my husband we have been on a time crunch of sorts. I met him less than a month after he finished his first tour in Iraq, and our 2 years together was like a count down to tour number 2. And then it was a count down to when he'd come home on leave, and then it was a count down to when he was coming home! And now... no more count downs. Can I function under this no pressure life? Haha.

It's definitely been a journey. I'm so glad that I became friends with Julia. I just wish we'd met sooner! It was amazing how our paths crossed, we have soooo much in common (stuff you guys will never even realize!). I'm glad she's been there for me and I'm glad I could be there for her too.

To tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous to start this chapter of my life! It's actual LIFE. There shouldn't be any more goodbyes for a while now, but you never know when it comes to the Army! Things have been good so far. Lance hasn't been hogging the bed like he did before = ) The cat has been on her best behavior, which is AMAZING. She is a little terror. Julia doesn't even believe she is a cat. But she kept me company while Lance was away.

Julia to Lauren

I hope that today is just a wonderful reunion for Lauren and her husband. They looked very happy in the pictures.

I am so glad this chapter is over for you Lauren.

A Special Day is Coming for Lauren

Dear Lauren,

You are almost to the end of a long year. I am proud of you that you were able to focus on your education. If you can make it through a deployment and a year in the BASW program at UWT at the same time then you can do anything.

I am always here if you ever need to talk. Hopefully we can all get together later this summer and have some fun.

Blessing for a joyous reunion when the day comes. You are almost done girl!

Your friend and fellow Army spouse,

Julia

Lauren Here

The first thought that came to mind was, "What a day." After thinking a moment, I realized that it's only 2:00, and I really haven't done much today. I've been at home in my pajamas writing a paper that is due in about a day and half. I'm almost to the half way point and have six pages of hand written work. I've also been doing laundry, folding and, gasp, putting it away for once. I did manage to get myself presentable (hair, make up, bra) to run across the street and get coffee. So quickly, my thought went from, "What a day," to, "What a life." Time seems to fly, and I can't believe that my year of Lance's deployment is almost up.

My past year (almost, a bit less, he'll be home early!) seems to have been a drone of some sleepless nights, work outs, laundry, dishes, homework and problems! Haha. What a life indeed. This whole time I've just been waiting for my husband to come home so I can have my life back. It's no fun dealing with all of these every day things on your own. I have a laundry list of "problems," things that have gone wrong over Lance's deployment - car stolen, truck broken into, truck egged, lady backed into truck, and now, one of my headlights is out in my car. It seems like such a small thing! Thankfully, I don't drive at night a lot seeing as Julia is my ride to school = ) and I also have both a dad and brother near by to help me with the headlight. But like Julia's blinds breaking, it's just one of those things.

Thinking about finances and paying for school is just another thing on top of the pile. I am not a big planner. I tend to wait until last minute on things, but I'm learning, and hopefully changing! This school year has almost past, just one year left. $11,000 in school loans, not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

I can't seem to focus on very much with the thought of my husband coming home. You should see my to do list! It's crazy. I have a school to do list on the left side of the paper and a cleaning to do list on the right side that's twice as long! Not to mention the grocery list floating in my head. And what to wear, what to wear? I'm also really excited to actually SEE him and BE with him again, but it's so hard to wrap my head around. Sadly, it seems easier to think about all the tasks leading up to it. I can't help but guard myself against the emotions of him returning home. Grande vanilla Americano with cream, you keep me calm, thank you.
The Daunting To Do List


The Coffee & the Cat that keep me calm!!

Julia Here....

When my son was 5 years old I went back to college. It was a crazy life with a full-time job, a spouse who was gone more then home, and raising a special needs child. My mother was helping me take care of my son or college would have been out of my reach. I was a trained medical assistant so I had a good job for the time. My mother became ill and passed away within a few months of my college return. She was struck with a rare form of cancer that took her life very quickly. My best friend as well as my lifeline was now gone in an instant.
I tried to continue my education, but my guilt and fear of putting my son in daycare forced me to quit. As the mother of a special child society pretty much dictated that it was the mother who would take care of the child’s needs. The military reinforced this. My husband was rarely able to accompany us for medical visits and therapy. When my son was 8 years old I was forced to quit working due to my own health crisis.
We had to travel across country for our son’s specialized medical care, and often I had to travel alone. We had to make incredibly difficult decisions for our child over the phone, and I had to go through long surgeries without my husband being present. I often thought that as a mother and military spouse I was expected to suck it up.
Military leaders as well as civilians often voice to spouses that we knew what we were getting into when marrying military. That statement never has made sense to me. Should all people serving their country stay single? Never fall in love? Never have kids? I cannot imagine my life without Scott.
Being military required us to move often. As the mother a special needs child this made my life a challenge in other ways. All school districts had their own interpretation of the laws regarding disabled students and what services they offered. Gathering information and fighting for my son’s rights was usually my job alone as the mother. We have been fortunate to have been stationed near more good schools then sucky ones.
My husband is obligated to anything the military asks of him first, and it was my problem back then that our son was sick. I see this in the civilian community also. The mother is often the one to have to sacrifice her own needs, and career to take care of the family. If women do not put the family’s needs first they are ostracized and looked down upon.
I don't want anyone to think that I have any resentment towards my son. I have been so truly blessed with the precious gift. I have loved every minute of raising a spectacular human being. Raising Joshua has led me in the direction of social work. I have been blogging about these early years to show others a little bit of what it looks like inside the military family. I am not whining or asking anyone to feel sorry for us either. We have raised Joshua to hold his head high, and that he can do anything he wants. Sometimes its all about finding that path that works for us. Scott, Joshua, and I are a great team that has worked together through many challenges. The best thing is that the good things in our life are what we choose to focus on.

Julia Here....

There is a little over a week left of this last quarter of my junior year. I am in the homestretch and only have three papers to complete. I am finally realizing my dreams of an education in a field that will allow me to give back and help others who need help advocating for themselves. I am grateful for the MyCaa grant that covered 2/3 of my tuition costs for the year. We have never qualified for any grant money and this program took an incredible amount of stress off my shoulders. I am trying everything I can to keep from putting us into huge amounts of debt.

Here are a few thoughts from those early years.

In choosing young marriage I had to go to community college instead of the university where I had a full scholarship waiting for me. Within a few short months of getting married my womanhood came to the surface again. I was pregnant. This was just a small glitch on my road to getting my education and “making something of myself”. I knew that as soon as I had this baby I would be able to put the child in daycare and continue school and work. God had other plans for me. During the birth of my son he was hurt in many ways. He has a paralyzing injury, effects of oxygen deprivation, depression and a learning disorder. My life changed in an instant. My husband was obligated to military service and taking care of my sons medical and educational needs would fall upon my shoulders as the mother. If the military had wanted him to have a wife they would have issued him one. I quit college and became a stay at home mom. My son required extensive therapy and medical care. My own mother offered to babysit so I could go back to work. All my sons’ needs were expensive and military insurance only covered so much. My mother helped me with therapy and his medical needs so I was able to work outside the home. I had to find a job and arrange my hours around the needs of my son. My husband was unable to change anything about his work hours or responsibilities. I was unable to continue my education with all my responsibilities. I never got much sleep in those early years. There were never any questions about how as the mother I was the one that had to make it all work. My experience as a military spouse was that I must be strong and self-sufficient. The unspoken rule was that we must handle everything and be grateful for any time our husband was able to be a part of the family. Military spouses do not complain and that is from not wanting others to perceive us as weak. This is a common theme in my community.

Julia Here....

This last seven or so days has just plain sucked. I talked to Scott on Thursday and he said he would call after his 12 hour shift. Five days later I had not heard from him. I know that no news is good news but damn I had all sorts of thoughts invading my brain. Was he hurt or sick and did not want to notify me? Was he upset about something? Well he called finally and had went on a recon mission with the Dutch and some other US Soldiers for 5 days. He left not long after we had talked and he did not know he was requested to accompany this group. OKAY great. I am glad he is fine and I don't know why in the world I let my head spin out of control after all these years. I know the deal. No calls mean no access to a phone. He was sleeping in the sand somewhere. It was almost easier when we had no phone or internet communications in the early days. We had to rely on letters and tapes. I get worried when he does not call and it makes me nuts.

My vertical blinds (they are the fabric accordion ones) on the slider broke last night. I don't think there is a way to get it restrung. It was expensive and way past warranty. Figures. When it rains it pours. That was the little annoyance from this week. I don't have time to write about all the rest of the crap. I bought a new sprinkler and pressure washer and went to use both of them this weekend and they were broken right out of the box. Gosh I hate that. I hate having to return things anyways, but damn I never got to use either one!!!!

My quarter is winding down thank God. I still have way too much work to finish though. I am never this disorganized and scatter brained. I have such strong OCD and I always work ahead on papers etc. I cannot write in a hurry the night before. This quarter was way worse then last. The Seniors in our program told us this would be so much better this quarter. LIES I tell you. I have way too many group projects. One or two is fine, but it is so hard to mesh two learning and writing styles. We have one big project with 7 of us. We have to present a 25 min Power Point. I hope it goes well. My heart and mind is just not with it right now.

I need a break and I need some sleep. I hope the specialist I see next week can give me some hope with my arm. They say don't use it. How the heck do I not use it? My husband is deployed and the kid at college. Who is supposed to take care of the house and yard? I try to ignore the pain and swelling, but it is really getting hard. Just rambling on and on now.

I want him to come home like yesterday. I am ready for a full time life partner. Separations plain suck no matter how many times you go through it. You never really get used to it. I think each deployment has its own set of crap and things that do not go right. I should write a book about all the silly, stupid, and major things that always happen when they are gone!!!