Julia's response to the DOD........

I would like to say that $6,000 paid for 2/3 of my junior year of social work at a public university. There are many spouses out there that will end up being the sole breadwinner for the family if their spouse is injured in the line of duty and is medically discharged. What about the spouse who loses their service member spouse in the line of duty? To have an education will at least ensure that we can take care of our families if it comes to that.

MyCAA is an important benefit for military spouses. The following statement disturbs me.

" He offered examples: real estate licenses or home health-care provider accreditations.".

I am a military spouse and grateful recipient of the MyCAA grant. What good is a real estate license today? These examples would land a military spouse a minimum wage job at best. Limiting the program to low wage certificates is not going to better the military spouse and her job prospects. Allow all spouses to use their MyCAA funds to help them get a career that is not only in demand, but can support the family should that time come.

I have spoken to the press on more than one occasion about the MyCAA closure. My classmate and I have started a blog about our experiences advocating for this program. http://julia-lauren.blogspot.com/

I want to encourage the Secretary Gates and the DOD to rethink limiting the program to low paying quickie degree programs. It also bothers me that the statement says that the MyCAA was not used as it was intended. Every one of us who have gotten to use the MyCAA grant was in a program that was covered in the rules of the program.

The DOD listened to military spouses when they said education was a priority for them. They stated the MyCAA program and are surprised it was so popular. This a HUGE need in the military community. Our spouses put their lives on the line for this country and we keep the family going and strong for their return. Without the family you will not have a good military force. We also take care of these broken service members when they come home to us mentally and physically hurting.

DOD may limit MyCAA to job training - Stripes Central - Stripes

DOD may limit MyCAA to job training - Stripes Central - Stripes




THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS HOPING TO HEAR. There is still
no definitive answers coming from the DOD.

Julia

Julia Here.....

This comment was left on the Tribune site. Really nice huh!

opinionated1 wrote on 04/04/2010 07:45:54 PM:

Benda, I think the comments should stick to the subject rather than putting so much energy into criticizing another poster.

I appreciate the service-members but they are not martyrs and I'm tired of feeling like I can't be critical about anything military because, "OMG, they are fighting for our country!" I support our country too, in a different way. It's like military members are untouchable and it's pure evil to be critical. And I adamantly do not support giving money for college to spouses-unless the service-members are transferring their VA education benefits to their spouse-that I agree with.

I know the military members are not making a killing, but try finding a job on the outside that pro-rates your childcare, allows you to live on base free or pays part of your rent/mortgage to live off base, pays you more when you have children, and pays all of your medical bills.

And calling people liberals or conservatives when you disagree with them only makes an argument sound like partisan regurgitation.

Read more: http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010/03/30/1128592/military-spouse-tuition-aid-at.html#ixzz0qieWWkvp

OKAY let me get some things straight here. These are like the myths of welfare that people believe. I call this the military family myths...We DO NOT GET MORE MONEY FOR HAVING CHILDREN, service members either live in the barracks (WHICH IS A BENEFIT), military housing, or out in the towns surrounding military bases. Daycare prorates---how many single parents families do we have right now on Fort Lewis. 17,000 soldiers are deployed and almost 10,000 are married. That is a lot of time spent for the spouse ALONE. The lower ranks are the ones that get daycare cuts. Just like in civilian land. The lower paid workers sometimes qualify for daycare assistance. We also have medical insurance as a benefit. WHOA what a concept. I guess other companies in the US do not give medical benefits, or is it civilian workers deserve and we do not.

Military service is JOB with benefits. Like many other jobs in the U.S. They offer tuition help for continuing education, housing stipends, cost of living raises, employee health and dental plans, etc. OH BUT THEY GET PAID WAY BETTER in civie land. I love how people think we are given things for FREE. Are you kidding me? Every single benefit and paycheck a service member gets comes with a prices. Sometimes the ultimate price of their lives!!!!!!

Lauren Here

While waiting for a phone call that my husband was coming home, I joked with Julia that I was an "on-call" wife. And now the wait is over! I can't believe he's finally home. The entire time I've known my husband we have been on a time crunch of sorts. I met him less than a month after he finished his first tour in Iraq, and our 2 years together was like a count down to tour number 2. And then it was a count down to when he'd come home on leave, and then it was a count down to when he was coming home! And now... no more count downs. Can I function under this no pressure life? Haha.

It's definitely been a journey. I'm so glad that I became friends with Julia. I just wish we'd met sooner! It was amazing how our paths crossed, we have soooo much in common (stuff you guys will never even realize!). I'm glad she's been there for me and I'm glad I could be there for her too.

To tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous to start this chapter of my life! It's actual LIFE. There shouldn't be any more goodbyes for a while now, but you never know when it comes to the Army! Things have been good so far. Lance hasn't been hogging the bed like he did before = ) The cat has been on her best behavior, which is AMAZING. She is a little terror. Julia doesn't even believe she is a cat. But she kept me company while Lance was away.

Julia to Lauren

I hope that today is just a wonderful reunion for Lauren and her husband. They looked very happy in the pictures.

I am so glad this chapter is over for you Lauren.

A Special Day is Coming for Lauren

Dear Lauren,

You are almost to the end of a long year. I am proud of you that you were able to focus on your education. If you can make it through a deployment and a year in the BASW program at UWT at the same time then you can do anything.

I am always here if you ever need to talk. Hopefully we can all get together later this summer and have some fun.

Blessing for a joyous reunion when the day comes. You are almost done girl!

Your friend and fellow Army spouse,

Julia

Lauren Here

The first thought that came to mind was, "What a day." After thinking a moment, I realized that it's only 2:00, and I really haven't done much today. I've been at home in my pajamas writing a paper that is due in about a day and half. I'm almost to the half way point and have six pages of hand written work. I've also been doing laundry, folding and, gasp, putting it away for once. I did manage to get myself presentable (hair, make up, bra) to run across the street and get coffee. So quickly, my thought went from, "What a day," to, "What a life." Time seems to fly, and I can't believe that my year of Lance's deployment is almost up.

My past year (almost, a bit less, he'll be home early!) seems to have been a drone of some sleepless nights, work outs, laundry, dishes, homework and problems! Haha. What a life indeed. This whole time I've just been waiting for my husband to come home so I can have my life back. It's no fun dealing with all of these every day things on your own. I have a laundry list of "problems," things that have gone wrong over Lance's deployment - car stolen, truck broken into, truck egged, lady backed into truck, and now, one of my headlights is out in my car. It seems like such a small thing! Thankfully, I don't drive at night a lot seeing as Julia is my ride to school = ) and I also have both a dad and brother near by to help me with the headlight. But like Julia's blinds breaking, it's just one of those things.

Thinking about finances and paying for school is just another thing on top of the pile. I am not a big planner. I tend to wait until last minute on things, but I'm learning, and hopefully changing! This school year has almost past, just one year left. $11,000 in school loans, not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

I can't seem to focus on very much with the thought of my husband coming home. You should see my to do list! It's crazy. I have a school to do list on the left side of the paper and a cleaning to do list on the right side that's twice as long! Not to mention the grocery list floating in my head. And what to wear, what to wear? I'm also really excited to actually SEE him and BE with him again, but it's so hard to wrap my head around. Sadly, it seems easier to think about all the tasks leading up to it. I can't help but guard myself against the emotions of him returning home. Grande vanilla Americano with cream, you keep me calm, thank you.
The Daunting To Do List


The Coffee & the Cat that keep me calm!!

Julia Here....

When my son was 5 years old I went back to college. It was a crazy life with a full-time job, a spouse who was gone more then home, and raising a special needs child. My mother was helping me take care of my son or college would have been out of my reach. I was a trained medical assistant so I had a good job for the time. My mother became ill and passed away within a few months of my college return. She was struck with a rare form of cancer that took her life very quickly. My best friend as well as my lifeline was now gone in an instant.
I tried to continue my education, but my guilt and fear of putting my son in daycare forced me to quit. As the mother of a special child society pretty much dictated that it was the mother who would take care of the child’s needs. The military reinforced this. My husband was rarely able to accompany us for medical visits and therapy. When my son was 8 years old I was forced to quit working due to my own health crisis.
We had to travel across country for our son’s specialized medical care, and often I had to travel alone. We had to make incredibly difficult decisions for our child over the phone, and I had to go through long surgeries without my husband being present. I often thought that as a mother and military spouse I was expected to suck it up.
Military leaders as well as civilians often voice to spouses that we knew what we were getting into when marrying military. That statement never has made sense to me. Should all people serving their country stay single? Never fall in love? Never have kids? I cannot imagine my life without Scott.
Being military required us to move often. As the mother a special needs child this made my life a challenge in other ways. All school districts had their own interpretation of the laws regarding disabled students and what services they offered. Gathering information and fighting for my son’s rights was usually my job alone as the mother. We have been fortunate to have been stationed near more good schools then sucky ones.
My husband is obligated to anything the military asks of him first, and it was my problem back then that our son was sick. I see this in the civilian community also. The mother is often the one to have to sacrifice her own needs, and career to take care of the family. If women do not put the family’s needs first they are ostracized and looked down upon.
I don't want anyone to think that I have any resentment towards my son. I have been so truly blessed with the precious gift. I have loved every minute of raising a spectacular human being. Raising Joshua has led me in the direction of social work. I have been blogging about these early years to show others a little bit of what it looks like inside the military family. I am not whining or asking anyone to feel sorry for us either. We have raised Joshua to hold his head high, and that he can do anything he wants. Sometimes its all about finding that path that works for us. Scott, Joshua, and I are a great team that has worked together through many challenges. The best thing is that the good things in our life are what we choose to focus on.

Julia Here....

There is a little over a week left of this last quarter of my junior year. I am in the homestretch and only have three papers to complete. I am finally realizing my dreams of an education in a field that will allow me to give back and help others who need help advocating for themselves. I am grateful for the MyCaa grant that covered 2/3 of my tuition costs for the year. We have never qualified for any grant money and this program took an incredible amount of stress off my shoulders. I am trying everything I can to keep from putting us into huge amounts of debt.

Here are a few thoughts from those early years.

In choosing young marriage I had to go to community college instead of the university where I had a full scholarship waiting for me. Within a few short months of getting married my womanhood came to the surface again. I was pregnant. This was just a small glitch on my road to getting my education and “making something of myself”. I knew that as soon as I had this baby I would be able to put the child in daycare and continue school and work. God had other plans for me. During the birth of my son he was hurt in many ways. He has a paralyzing injury, effects of oxygen deprivation, depression and a learning disorder. My life changed in an instant. My husband was obligated to military service and taking care of my sons medical and educational needs would fall upon my shoulders as the mother. If the military had wanted him to have a wife they would have issued him one. I quit college and became a stay at home mom. My son required extensive therapy and medical care. My own mother offered to babysit so I could go back to work. All my sons’ needs were expensive and military insurance only covered so much. My mother helped me with therapy and his medical needs so I was able to work outside the home. I had to find a job and arrange my hours around the needs of my son. My husband was unable to change anything about his work hours or responsibilities. I was unable to continue my education with all my responsibilities. I never got much sleep in those early years. There were never any questions about how as the mother I was the one that had to make it all work. My experience as a military spouse was that I must be strong and self-sufficient. The unspoken rule was that we must handle everything and be grateful for any time our husband was able to be a part of the family. Military spouses do not complain and that is from not wanting others to perceive us as weak. This is a common theme in my community.

Julia Here....

This last seven or so days has just plain sucked. I talked to Scott on Thursday and he said he would call after his 12 hour shift. Five days later I had not heard from him. I know that no news is good news but damn I had all sorts of thoughts invading my brain. Was he hurt or sick and did not want to notify me? Was he upset about something? Well he called finally and had went on a recon mission with the Dutch and some other US Soldiers for 5 days. He left not long after we had talked and he did not know he was requested to accompany this group. OKAY great. I am glad he is fine and I don't know why in the world I let my head spin out of control after all these years. I know the deal. No calls mean no access to a phone. He was sleeping in the sand somewhere. It was almost easier when we had no phone or internet communications in the early days. We had to rely on letters and tapes. I get worried when he does not call and it makes me nuts.

My vertical blinds (they are the fabric accordion ones) on the slider broke last night. I don't think there is a way to get it restrung. It was expensive and way past warranty. Figures. When it rains it pours. That was the little annoyance from this week. I don't have time to write about all the rest of the crap. I bought a new sprinkler and pressure washer and went to use both of them this weekend and they were broken right out of the box. Gosh I hate that. I hate having to return things anyways, but damn I never got to use either one!!!!

My quarter is winding down thank God. I still have way too much work to finish though. I am never this disorganized and scatter brained. I have such strong OCD and I always work ahead on papers etc. I cannot write in a hurry the night before. This quarter was way worse then last. The Seniors in our program told us this would be so much better this quarter. LIES I tell you. I have way too many group projects. One or two is fine, but it is so hard to mesh two learning and writing styles. We have one big project with 7 of us. We have to present a 25 min Power Point. I hope it goes well. My heart and mind is just not with it right now.

I need a break and I need some sleep. I hope the specialist I see next week can give me some hope with my arm. They say don't use it. How the heck do I not use it? My husband is deployed and the kid at college. Who is supposed to take care of the house and yard? I try to ignore the pain and swelling, but it is really getting hard. Just rambling on and on now.

I want him to come home like yesterday. I am ready for a full time life partner. Separations plain suck no matter how many times you go through it. You never really get used to it. I think each deployment has its own set of crap and things that do not go right. I should write a book about all the silly, stupid, and major things that always happen when they are gone!!!

Lauren Here....

I just wanted to post the comment that my dad left on the News Tribune website...

"Do they deserve it more than spouses not married to military memebers? YES, here's why: Military spouses sacrifice a heck of a lot more than typical civilians. Extended separations from spouses serving, many and varied challenges regarding raising a family under those circumstances. Frequent moves making school enrollment impossible or very difficult. Additional college expenses resulting from frequent moves; ie classes that won't transfer. Stress related to being married to someone who has given all in support of the freedom you enjoy. I served for 20 years, it is my daughter whom is featured in this article. Yes, she has and will make sacrifices while her husband is serving the country you naysayers live in. She has earned those education benefits and so much more."

Although no one on the site responded to it, or even acknowledged what he had to say, it meant a lot to me. I guess the biggest thing I've learned in this experience is that the things ignorant, arrogant people say about me don't matter when I have the support of those that are important to me and care about me.

Julia Here---From the Mouth of Secretary Gates: MyCAA News | The Paycheck Chronicles

I hope this is true~~~I think everything we have done and other military spouses all across this country is not taking this situation laying down. We are keeping it in the news and this puts pressure on the DOD to not let the program fade away!


From the Mouth of Secretary Gates: MyCAA News | The Paycheck Chronicles

A poem I got in the mail today from my husband. Julia Here.

ASCENSION

And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.

"Ascension"
Copyright ©1987, Colleen Corah Hitchcock

This man is the love of my life. When I think about all the people that stated that women only marry soldiers was for sex or their benefits really have a narrow view of people. There are many in society that marry for the wrong reasons. These are all walks of life. Scott is my soul mate. He completes me and I him. He is the one person that I WANT to talk to about everything. I love every minute that I have to be in his company. I miss him so much when he is gone. I care what he thinks and feels. When we are separated there are so many things that we will never talk about. We cannot possibly remember everything we want to say on the phone or when he gets back. It kills me when he calls and I hang up and realize I forgot to tell him something I really wanted him to know. I wait for the time we can soar together again my love.

The First Lady on Military Families

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

May 12, 2010

First Lady Michelle Obama Announces Presidential Directive on Military Families

WASHINGTON, DC – First Lady Michelle Obama today announced that President Obama has directed the National Security Staff to lead a new 90-day review to develop a coordinated Federal government-wide approach to supporting and engaging military families. Building on work and expertise by the Departments of Defense, Homeland Security, and Veterans Affairs, the review will involve nearly twenty federal agencies as well as the White House Domestic Policy and National Economic Councils and the Offices of the Vice President, the First Lady, and Dr. Biden.

Specifically, the review will:

• Set strategic military family priorities for the next ten years and identify key military family concerns and challenges;
• Review a cross section of public and private programs to identify the most promising ideas and programs that positively support military families;
• Develop options for departments to integrate military family matters into their strategic and budgetary priorities;
• Examine opportunities for Federal policies and programs to stimulate new and support existing state and local efforts achieving military family readiness goals and meeting military family priorities;
• Identify opportunities to leverage the skills and experience of military family members in national and community life; and
• Strengthen existing feedback mechanisms for military families to voice their concerns and views on the effectiveness and future direction of relevant Federal programs and policies.

The review builds on the Obama administration’s efforts to forge an enduring national commitment to support and engage military families. These combined national efforts will help ensure that:

• The United States military continues to recruit and retain the highest-caliber volunteers contributing to the Nation’s security;
• Service members can have strong family lives while maintaining the highest state of readiness and focus on their military responsibilities;
• Civilian family members can fulfill their own potential while supporting service members; and
• The general population better understands military families and seeks more opportunities to support military families.

“With just one percent of our population—our troops—doing 100 percent of the fighting our military families are being tested like never before,” said First Lady Michelle Obama. “This government wide review will bring together the resources of the federal government, identify new opportunities across the public and private sectors, and lay the foundation for a coordinated approach to supporting and engaging military families for years to come.”

The First Lady made the announcement during an address to the National Military Family Association’s summit – When Parents Deploy: Understanding the Experiences of Military Children and Spouses. Mrs. Obama addressed the state of America’s military families today, outlined a vision of the nation supporting them over the long-term, and how, as a country, all segments of society can work together to turn that vision into a reality. The First Lady, along with Dr. Jill Biden, uses their platform to support military families by:

• Championing a national call to action that both addresses the unique challenges facing military families and recognizes and taps their skills, strength and commitment to service;
• Building stronger civilian-military community ties; and
• Engaging and highlighting the service and sacrifice of military families to ensure their voices are heard inside the administration.

Are you a NILF?-Julia Here!

Are you a NILF?

Seriously please do some QUALITATIVE research before publishing this garbage.

I COULD have worked if I HAD A DEPENDABLE mate then I would have. Oh wait I have a disability
that put me out. Where do I fit? Oh yeah. In the I don't want a job category. How do they figure in the
full time students who raised their kids and now want more???????? I wish I could have had some help
after my mother died with child care and therapy/doctor visits with my son. We did therapy FOUR days a week
on top of numerous doctors/surgeries out of state etc. Would it have been better if I had NOT taken care of
my sons needs? One more way to stereotype the military spouse without the facts/data to back it up. PLEASE
come live in our shoes for a week!!!!!!! Oh and I have volunteered for the military, Red Cross, and for those injured
with Brachial Plexus Injuries. Will we ever be good enough?

Julia Here......

surguch said on March 21, 2010 at 10:03 PM-King 5 News Interview Comment.

To summarize: multiple options are available for spouses of servicemen who desire to go to college. They are free to use FAFSA, like most students do, they are welcome to apply for merit scholarships, they can try and get a job with educational benefits, they can take advantage of MyCAA (although apparently not ALL of them, but many did), plus, apparently, in the future some of their spouses' educational benefits will be applicable to them as well. It sounds, though, that some people are not satisfied with the options that are available (and they have more options than a regular Joe!) and think that they are entitled to more. Why?

I am responding to the above comment.

I love how everyone thinks we want more or feel we deserve more than others. I for one did not qualify for and FAFSA federal aid and neither did my son. I have already addressed that in earlier posts. People make it sound as if I think I should get more then anyone else for college. NOT TRUE. I was promised a grant, and then when it was shut down without notice leaving us all in the lurch I felt it was my right, and obligation to speak out against the shutdown. The DOD should never have started a program that was not equipped to handle ALL MILITARY SPOUSES as the program stated were eligible. ANYONE who got the MyCAA grant, and was eligible for federal aid had to claim this with their school so their financial aid would be reduced dollar for dollar of MyCaa money!!!! Not one person who got the MyCAA grant got one penny more then any other citizen in the U.S.

Mon Mar 29, 2010 08:16 am PDT Report Abuse

Okay well join the rest of the world who has to figure out how to pay for school. I'm a woman and veteran and I understand the frustration. However, our county is in DEBT. We can't afford to hand out money to everyone. My sister is a military wife and most of my friends are. However, I will say I find most spouses feel entitled. You do a lot and we thank you. However, we can't fork over money every time you ask. Get over it and do what most people do. Get scholarships apply for loans and then join a group of us that will be paying off college until our kids go to college. Suck it up and DRIVE ON!

Mon Mar 29, 2010 08:34 am PDT Report Abuse

This isn't for soldiers, it's a hand out for marrying a soldier, should have been canceled long ago!

The above comments were taken from Yahoo News

I HAVE NEVER FELT ENTITLED AS A MILITARY SPOUSE!!! Also we did not ask. This was Secretary Gates brainchild. Once again what do you think we do? We apply for loans and scholarships. $6,000 will NOT get us our whole education. It covered 2/3 of ONE year of tuition.

Julia Here.....

9/11 happened NINE years ago. Rapid deployments are not slowing down. To say that a family that is left behind don't go through anything while their spouse is deployed is crap. Yes we do not get shot at, BUT we do pray when we go to bed every night that God will keep their soldier safe. To worry every minute of every day for years on end that you will lose your life partner is not easy. Death is not the only worry. Many of our soldiers are coming home mentally and physically broken. The spouses left behind are picking up the pieces of their broken lives and trying to hold their families together. There are many military families that suffer in silence. PTSD and physical disability is a VERY REAL part of these wars.

I would like to say that $6,000 to go towards tuition is a drop in the bucket. There are many spouses out there that will end up being the sole bread winner for the family if their spouse is injured in the line of duty and is medically discharged. What about the spouse who loses their mate. To have an education will at least ensure that we can take care of our families if it comes to that.

Lauren again!!

I'm not sure how much my husband is going to appreciate me putting this picture up, but to me, it explains everything about the feelings of having your spouse deployed. And no, he didn't even pose!

My blood started to boil when I read the last comment Julia copied from the website. I'm proud of myself for not even bothering to click the link and see what else people have to say about military spouses. Just because something is hard doesn't mean that you should just back out. I knew, as an outsider, what I was getting into when I got married, but when you're actually in it, it feels so different. You can't even fathom having your husband gone for that long. I spent the first few months of our marriage in denial that he was actually leaving. And once he was really gone, it was devastating. This whole deployment I've been wondering when/if I'd ever get used to life on my own, and I can't, it just doesn't work that way. Even when he's gone, he's my partner, my life isn't the same without him, there's something missing. I will not, "hurry up and divorce so that the soldier can move on and find someone he deserves," just because it's difficult!! What we do as military spouses is the most deserving thing ever! We stand by our soldiers no matter how long the deployment is, or how hard it is without them.

Just thinking....Julia Here.....

I was thinking tonight about the interview that I did for Fox News. Normally Fox News would be saying a social program like the MyCaa was a horrible thing for our government to hand out. Why is it that Fox was willing to have me on? I can answer that. They were excited about the fact that the DOD, the Pentagon, and Secretary Gates had screwed up and in a big way. They were more than willing to let the world know how wrong it was to screw over a military spouse. You think they would advocate for any other "grant" program for higher education? I doubt it.

Thankful today for Skype.....

I am so thankful for technology. This is the closest thing I will get to a kiss for a while. Scott and I are old school military. We were used to relying on letter writing for our main form of communication. We could not afford for him to call in the early years when phone calls were so expensive.

We are able to communicate better with technology now. We can discuss important decisions via email, Skype or phone calls and that makes it a bit easier. The hard part is waiting for them to call and trying to remember what you wanted to tell them.

Julia

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind | KOMO News - Breaking News, Sports, Traffic and Weather - Seattle, Washington | Local & Regional

Here is a story about an organization that is aimed at helping military spouses left behind.

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind | KOMO News - Breaking News, Sports, Traffic and Weather - Seattle, Washington | Local & Regional

KOMO News - Seattle, Washington

Organization aims to help military spouses left behind

by Brian Calvert

SEATTLE -- The idea is to keep these families together, but it can be so much harder when one partner is a couple of oceans away.

Melissa's husband is in the military, and when it was just a few years into their marriage, she was ready to give-up.

"I told him I wanted a divorce," she told KOMO News.

While divorce seems fairly common everywhere these days, there are very high rates of marriage failure when one or both spouses are members of the military. Experts say the reasons are a combination of living apart for long stretches at a time, and not communicating well doing those lengthy deployments.

"I think anyone in the military who says they haven't wanted to quit (their marriage) is probably not telling the truth," Melissa says. She and her husband worked things out, and they've been together 7 years. But they had to learn to communicate better, as well as to rely on others.

"One of the problems as a military spouse is you are incredibly proud," she continues. "You are going to prove on a daily basis that you can do this and that you are proud of your husband. So in those moments when you do feel weak, I think it becomes very hard for us to reach out and say that we do need help."

Anyone who's lost a loved one can relate to "those moments."

"I'll be going along just fine during my day, when I find one of his socks left on the floor," Melissa confesses. "And it's really hard when I catch a whiff of his cologne."

While there are many groups that cater to the needs of military members serving overseas, there aren't a lot of resources for military spouses left behind, which is where Operation Military Family comes in. The group works to counsel military couples, helping them to capitalize on what little time they have for the basic need of any relationship: Good, clear communication.

"These spouses, they live in our communities," says Operation Military Family founder Mike Schindler. "A good number of the population doesn't live on installations anymore."

Spouses like "Michelle."

"Five times," she recalls. "Five different times, we were at the brink of calling this thing (marriage) off."

Besides counseling, Operation Military Family also tries to do "special" things to reach out to spouses left behind. This week, they're promoting something called "petal power" --- as in flower petal. To commemorate Military Appreciation Month, the group wants to specifically remember military spouses left behind. Just go to their website www.operationmilitaryfamily.org , color a picture of a flower, and they'll get it to a spouse trying to hold things together here on the homefront.

"If we would have just had something close to this," says Michelle, "it would have made such a difference."



Julia Here.....

This is one of the comments left on this site.
· 9 hours ago

"I know this is going to get some thumbs down but... I don't really feel sorry for the people left behind here. They aren't going through a war, getting shot at etc. Also, this war has been going on a long time. It didn't sneak up on us. Don't marry someone in the military if you can't handle it. Or if you realized too late that you wouldn't be able to handle it, hurry up and divorce so that the soldier can move on and find someone he deserves."

I love these comments left by people who have never been married to someone in the military and have no idea what we as spouses go through. The person who spoke in the article about marriage and how the lack of closeness and communication can kill a marriage is right on. My husband was a recruiter post 9/11 for four years. The stress this job put on him and our family was incredibly huge. He left this assignment for a one year tour over seas. We had in a sense NOT had a family life in 5 years. We never were together while he was on recruiting. He would come home eat and go to bed. The pressure they were put under was wrecking havoc on his mental well being as well as the family. He would have one day off a week that he would spend getting ready for the next week and worrying about making mission. When he deployed for a year right after I was devastated that we had no time to regroup and reconnect before he left. Our marriage is solid and strong, BUT that is not like we had no issues or problems due to lack of physical closeness or communication.

This is not an easy life for any family so to dismiss this as just deal with it or you should not have married someone in the military is really condescending. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but to live a married life virtually alone plain SUCKS.

My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We did not get married after these current wars started. We have weathered many a storm in our lives.

I did not get married and have a child to be a single parent. No one can tell me that I knew what I was getting into so get used to it. My father was in Vietnam 4 times in 7 years so I know that many a military family has endured lengthy wars.

Julia

Lauren here...

Saturday I was driving home from grocery shopping and had a friend with me. It's the simple things that are hard to do on your own, like bringing groceries home to an empty house. So it's nice to have the distraction of some one with you.

On my car I have two stickers. One says, "I love my soldier!" And the other has a picture of a stryker on it. We're at a stop light and a lady stops next to me and is waving for me to put my window down. My first thoughts are, "Is my car doing something weird?" (I had my engine needs help light go from green to yellow this weekend, but hey, at least it's not red!), then, "Did I leave something on my car? Does she need directions?" The lady says, "I saw your sticker about the soldier..." And I'm borderline panic mode, "Oh no. What is she going to say? Please don't bash the military or my husband, I couldn't handle it!" She asks if it's my husband, and I say yes. And the lady says, "We pray for you every day! Now I have a face to put with it."

I was so relieved. It's good to know that the ugly things people say and think about the military are not the only thoughts out there. So if you're a military spouse, hold your head up high and ignore the people who try to stomp you down. What I've been learning is they're not worth it!

Julia Here....

It is Sunday night and another weekend alone. I love how so many people commented that military spouses do nothing, but sponge off their soldiers service. I have been married for 21 years this year. I have gone through so much by myself because of my husbands duty to this country.

How is it that we are considered privileged and pampered. How many of you have worried yourself sick. I don't go an hour out of my day without catching my breath and trying to ward off the bad and intrusive thoughts. I worry about my husband every minute of every day.

I may not be in a war zone, but my family lives the war every day. I do everything ALONE. I take care of everything that should be shared by two and I do it willingly, but it still sucks.

I cried myself to sleep last night because I could not get my mind to shut off. Some days are much harder then others.

I married my husband for life!!!!!!! I love him and miss him.

I would still speak out for MyCAA even knowing how people would respond. I believe in something and I know that the DOD did not handle this right. I would be going against everything I believe in if I did not tell the world how wrong it is to shut out other military spouses. It is not a secret how many spouses are in this military!!!!! It still hurts to read and hear the nastiness.

The Staircase

A soldier walks away today
From where is friends and family stay.
Weighed down by a rucksack
That pulls on his shoulder
And the burden that lay on his heart.
Lord give him strength
To carry on
And do what he must do.
With one last glance
He pulls his hat down low,
And leaves his loved ones behind.

"Spoiled Rotten"

In one response on the King 5 news site, some one said my quote of, "I'm a military spouse, why isn't this program open for me?" was "spoiled rotten." From this whole process I have learned that the news only takes a snippet of what you say in the interviews.

The point I was trying to make is that the program was for military spouses in general, and it was known about by word of mouth. Why is it that I'm an Army wife, just like Julia, and she's in the program, and I'm not? There's nothing spoiled rotten about that statement.

Speaking out comes with a price, and this process has definitely been eye opening for me. Every one can make assumptions about me, my values, my husband, the reason he does his job and my reason for being with him without even knowing me!

Julia Speaks.

"Okay well join the rest of the world who has to figure out how to pay for school. I'm a woman and veteran and I understand the frustration. However, our county is in DEBT. We can't afford to hand out money to everyone. My sister is a military wife and most of my friends are. However, I will say I find most spouses feel entitled. You do a lot and we thank you. However, we can't fork over money every time you ask. Get over it and do what most people do. Get scholarships apply for loans and then join a group of us that will be paying off college until our kids go to college. Suck it up and DRIVE ON!"

This was taken from yahoo news. I would like the world to know that military wives did not ask for this program. The DOD asked families what is important to them. Getting an education that you can take with you when you move was at the top of the list. This was Secretary Gates brainchild!!!!!!!!

DoD dropped the ball on military spouses’ tuition | Editorials - The News Tribune#Comments_Container#Comments_Container

DoD dropped the ball on military spouses’ tuition | Editorials - The News Tribune#Comments_Container#Comments_Container


Here is generic story that the Tacoma News Tribune published. I see that the comments are not nearly as nasty and disparaging as they were when Lauren and I were being interviewed. Lauren and I have also noticed that part of the article has statements that we wanted in our own articles and broadcasts that were deleted.

I do like one of the comments made that they liked this welfare program. I do not see this as welfare, but that is okay I guess.

Military spouses do face challenges even attending college. We move so much that most of us are unable to finish a degree at one or even two colleges. I am now attending my third college. It took me ten years to finally finish a two-year degree due to military life and my obligations to taking care of the family.

I am finally realizing my dream of a college education at 42 years old!

Lauren Here

During my winter quarter a couple months back I was trying to figure out how to pay for the rest of the 2009-10 school year. I was also applying for the 2010-11 FAFSA as well as getting multiple scholarship applications in line. I heard about the My Career Advancement Program (MyCAA) from Julia and another friend of mine and we found that it had been shut down.

When I chose to do the interview with King 5 and the news paper article, I did it simply to speak up about a program that had been shut down irresponsibly. When the MyCAA program was approved, and put into effect with the guidelines they had (which were loose), they should have taken into account every single military spouse, not just made a generalization and assumption about how many spouses would apply. Why would a program be put into operation when there was not enough funds to fully back it up? That is my whole point in doing these interviews.

Since I was on the news and in many news papers across the country, so many misconceptions have been made about me, my intentions and even my character. Through this blogging process I hope to dispell those misconceptions about myself and the ignorance of military life.

Julia Speaks.

A little bit about me. My husband has been in the service for over 17 years. I have followed him while he has served his country. I have taken care of our special needs child mostly by myself. I have never complained and I most defiantly have never expected anything from the government for myself. Our son who graduated from high school in June of 2009 with a very good GPA was heading off to Pacific Lutheran University in the the fall. He had gotten a sizable merit scholarship and other scholarships which left us with roughly $12,000 per year to cover for him. Not to bad when the total costs are close to $40,000 per year.

Last summer I was told by another Army spouse about a tuition assistance program for military spouses. I had not heard anything about this program. The DOD did not send a letter to all military spouses telling us about the program. It was a word of mouth program. I had just completed my associates degree at Pierce College in Lakewood Washington. I had already applied to the University of Washington Tacoma and had been accepted into the Social Welfare Program. I applied for the MyCAA program in the summer of 2009. I was approved for $6,000 of tuition assistance. I was ecstatic. This would cover 75% of my first year of tuition.

We had filled out the FAFSA for myself and my son. My husband was an E-6 at the time with no special duty pays. We did not qualify for one penny in federal financial assistance. We both only qualified for loans. Many of the responses wanted to know why we felt we were better then the rest of the United States. Why we were not filling out the FAFSA and applying for scholarships. Many alluded to the fact that we were getting this aid ON TOP OF any other financial aid. For those of you who know how college works this is farthest from the truth. For every penny in scholarships or grants that a student receives and offer of financial aid will be reduced by the grant or scholarship amounts. So no military spouse who was awarded the MyCAA grant will be getting one penny more then every other citizen is getting. For me this did not matter as we did not get federal aid. For another military spouse who was awarded federal financial aid they had to claim their MyCAA grant to their college and their award was adjusted accordingly.

When the DOD abruptly and without warning shut down the program there were many spouses left out in the cold with no way to pay their tuition. They said for us to try and get loans or other aid, but we all know that it is not that easy or quick.

I found out on Facebook that the program had been halted and that I would have to find another way to cover my tuition for spring quarter. The whole way the DOD handled this was not right. Below is an article discussing the abrupt shutdown. For a program that was not publicized they were surprised at how many spouses applied. I am sorry, but if you are going to authorize a program through Congress then you should make sure there is enough money for every military spouse out there. It is no secret how many military spouses reside in the United States. It seems to me they started this program that none of us asked for thinking it would be "hush hush" and no one would sign up. What they failed to realize is that military spouses talk!!! They should have never started a program for all military spouses if there was not enough funding to make sure everyone who was eligible was able to participate. I will continue tomorrow with what happened next.

Military Times Article

Spouse tuition aid shuts down without warning

By Karen Jowers - Staff writer
Posted : Wednesday Feb 24, 2010 7:19:48 EST

Defense officials have abruptly shut down the My Career Advancement Accounts, a program that gives qualified military spouses up to $6,000 in tuition assistance to help them pursue portable careers.

Officials said the MyCAA shutdown is temporary, but no date has been set for resuming operations. Officials “hope to resume accepting financial assistance applications in a few months,” Defense Department spokeswoman Air Force Maj. April Cunningham said.

Cunningham said defense officials are “reviewing the software applications, financial assistance documents and overall program,” but she offered no specific details on the reason for the sudden halt and review.

“We’re reviewing it from top to bottom to ensure the program is meeting the intent established in legislation,” she said.

Meanwhile, spouses are finding out about the program shutdown at the worst time — when they are trying to request funding for classes that start within a month.

“I found out this morning when I logged in to have money sent to my school,” said Army wife Julie Thornton, who lives near Fort Gordon, Ga. Her education plan had been approved, and she had registered for two courses at Augusta State University. But the MyCAA program regulations require that spouses must wait until 30 days before classes start to request payment of funds to their schools. When Thornton called Military OneSource to ask what to do, she said, she was told that employees were informed at 4 p.m. Feb. 16 that the program was shutting down.

“I can’t use the application to get the funds for courses already approved,” Thornton said. She is taking refresher courses to get her teaching credentials up to date.

When she asked a Military OneSource consultant about what to do, she said, “I was told, ‘Can’t you apply for other financial assistance?’ Where else can I get funds in 30 days?”

Cunningham said no new or pending financial assistance accounts will be approved during the review period.

Without any formal announcement of the program’s existence, nearly 133,000 military spouses have applied for the MyCAA program since it started early last year, Cunningham said. Currently, 98,000 are enrolled in courses or have been approved for tuition assistance.

Although the financial assistance no longer will be available, spouses can receive career counseling support at local installations and through Military OneSource, Cunningham said.

“They should have sent an e-mail to people” in the program, Thornton said, to let them know about the halt, so people could start trying to find alternate funding.

“I sent an e-mail to DoD telling them my problem is with the way they’re handling this,” Thornton said. “It’s beyond poor.”

Letter from Patty Murray to Secretary Gates and Press Release.

Patty Murray has become someone I really admire as I get to know her better!!!! Julia News Release

Print This Release

MILITARY SPOUSES: Murray Demands that Pentagon Open Popular Career Training Benefits Program to All Military Spouses

After Department of Defense freezes program that over 135,000 military spouses have enrolled in, Murray writes Defense Secretary Gates to ensure that spouses who have been left in limbo are given checks, demands that program is opened to all military spouses

For Immediate Release:

Friday, March 12, 2010

(Washington, D.C.) – Today, U.S. Senator Patty Murray (D-WA) wrote to Defense Secretary Robert Gates to demand that the Pentagon’s Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts (MyCAA) program be opened to all military spouses and that military spouses who have applied for the program be given the benefit checks they have been approved for. Murray’s letter comes after the Pentagon temporarily froze the popular program that provides $6,000 for military spouses to help them afford career training opportunities. Murray’s letter asks the Pentagon why they failed to reach out to Congress when the program faced difficulty, what their plan is to avoid future spikes, and calls for the program to be expanded.

“It is unacceptable for our government to shortchange military families by promising benefits and then leaving them in limbo,” Murray writes. “We owe it to our military families to fix this situation and to expand the program to all spouses from here on out.”

According to Pentagon data, 136,583 military spouses have been enrolled in the MyCAA program. However, only 98,250 have received the $6,000 benefit check. Many spouses have therefore enrolled in certification programs or classes expecting the benefit only to have to drop out or find an alternative source of funding to afford a training program. While the Pentagon has announced that they will be restarting the program to those currently enrolled and will be working to extend checks to all those waiting, Senator Murray believes that the shutdown was unacceptable and that the program must be opened to all military spouses.

“Unemployment and underemployment adds to the already substantial stress facing our military families, and the MyCAA program allows military spouses to access the education and training they need to develop portable career options that work with the transitory lifestyle of military members,” Murray writes. “This makes it that much more unacceptable that military families were cut off due to a lack of preparedness on the part of the Pentagon.”

The following is the full text of Senator Murray’s letter:

The Honorable Robert Gates
Secretary of Defense
U.S. Department of Defense
1000 Defense Pentagon
Washington, D.C. 20301-1000

Dear Secretary Gates,

I am writing with concerns about the Pentagon’s decision to temporarily halt operations of the Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts (MyCAA) program and to close it to new enrollees following an overwhelmingly positive response and an unforeseen number of applications. It is extremely disappointing that the spouses of active-duty military service members and reservists who were enrolled in this successful program were left in the lurch due to a lack of preparedness by the Department of Defense, and that this opportunity will be closed off to additional participants.

Our men and women in uniform serve and sacrifice for our nation on a daily basis. We owe them our complete support while they are on the battlefield, as well as the care and benefits they have earned when they get home. But they are not the only ones who sacrifice for our country. The spouses of our active duty military also bear a significant burden of service as well, and frequent moves often make it hard for them to gain the skills and training they need to advance in their careers. This is especially devastating during these tough economic conditions.

As you know, the MyCAA program provides tuition of up to $6,000 for military spouses to train for career opportunities in fields that can endure frequent relocations. But I have heard from military spouses around my state who were left scrambling to continue their training and education programs due to the program’s sudden halt, and who simply did not know where to turn when they heard the news. Many were never directly notified by the Pentagon and ended up finding out through their schools or a posting on militaryonesource.com.

As you know, unemployment and underemployment adds to the already substantial stress facing our military families, and the MyCAA program allows military spouses to access the education and training they need to develop portable career options that work with the transitory lifestyle of military members. This makes it that much more unacceptable that military families were cut off due to a lack of preparedness on the part of the Pentagon.

While I am pleased to see you will be restarting the program for current enrollees, I am concerned about the potential for future spikes in enrollment to disrupt services, as well as about how the Pentagon will pay back enrollees who have already paid tuition while the program was shutdown.

I would like to hear directly from you about what led to the unforeseen shutdown of this popular program, and what needs to be done to ensure it never happens again. I also want to know why you failed to reach out to Congress when the situation emerged and what the status is of your department’s review of the program.

It is unacceptable for our government to shortchange military families by promising benefits and then leaving them in limbo. We owe it to our military families to fix this situation and to expand the program to all spouses from here on out. I look forward to hearing from you on this and to working with you on this issue.

Sincerely,

U.S. Senator Patty Murray

Lauren Speaks

Julia Speaks

My name is Julia Aten. I am an Army spouse. Lauren and I started this blog to dispel the myths of the military spouse. We would also like to speak to many of the negative comments all over the internet regarding the MyCaa program available to military spouses. I was shocked at the negative responses regarding each one of our interviews.

I was contacted by Senator Patty Murray's press secretary after writing to her regarding the abrupt and unannounced shut down of the MyCaa program and asked if I would be willing to speak to the press. I was asked if I knew anyone who had been shut out of the program and I told them about my classmate Lauren. This is where our journey together begins. Many military spouses all over the country banded together and we voiced our concern to our legislators.

I have learned through the past few weeks that advocacy and speaking out can come with a price. I believe in what I am doing and will not back down, but the negative response is hard to take some days.

The purpose of my postings will be to speak to the very little bit of information that the public was given through several interviews about my life as well as that of military spouses everywhere. I hope that by posting about my journey and speaking to individual statements regarding myself and military spouses that I can educate others about the truth of military spouses.

I have been proud by my fellow citizens when I read their comments on various news sites and I have been also brought to tears as others have ripped me apart. I have been most shocked by some of the negative responses from veterans, active duty military, and spouses.

At the end of the day I still know that I did the right thing in speaking out. I have been professional and respectful in my dealings with my legislators as well as the press. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Webcasts-Senate Appropriates Hearing-Senator Patty Murray

Webcasts

Senator Patty Murray from Washington State questions Secretary Gates at the Senate Appropriations Hearing on March 25, 2009. Cue to 80:00 to hear her questions and Secretary Gates response.

Losing Major Military Benefit-Julia's Interview on Fox and Friends

Losing Major Military Benefit

King 5 Interview-Lauren and Julia Speak Out.

Military spouse tuition aid at risk | Government/Politics - The News Tribune

Military spouse tuition aid at risk Government/Politics - The News Tribune

This is the article that Lauren and I were interviewed for that was sent out over the AP.

Sherry Reynolds Erickson-Freelance Reporter on the Shutdown and Running of MyCAA.

This is Julia and I am including a great article written about the shutdown of the MyCaa program. It details the program and the flawed system of implementing and running the program.

Sherry Reynolds Erickson A MyCAA recipient speaks out

By. S. Erickson, freelance correspondent


Last year the Department of Defense approved a new program aimed at offering tuition assistance to military spouses looking to complete college classes and specialized training. Believing this effort would lead to better employment options for spouses who constantly relocate, Military One Source, a multi-purpose location providing a wide array of assistance to the military and their families, became host to the Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts, known as MyCAA. Once completing the application process which includes DOD screening, military spouses were approved for up to $6000 in tuition assistance.

In January 2010, the program saw a spike in applications and by February the DOD felt the need to evaluate the situation as the MyCAA program approval rate went far beyond the funds available to support the program. In mid-February, the DOD abruptly stopped providing tuition assistance leaving many spouses in financial trouble with no means to pay for enrolled classes. Frustrated by the lack of useful information provided by the MyCAA resource phone line, and clearly not understanding why more specific detail or notice had been given, Sherry Erickson, a US Navy military spouse of 20 years and MyCAA recipient since July 2009, started looking into the reasoning behind the sudden stop the MyCAA program implemented.

On Friday, February 26th Erickson spoke with a DOD representative connected to the MyCAA program, Pat Shanaghan. While talking by phone, Shanaghan unequivocally told her that the MyCAA program is an unguaranteed benefit program which never promised to provide funds past what is approved through the financial assistance voucher process, regardless of spouses being told a total of $6000 is allocated per approved spouse. The figures, which were tracked by online accounts at Military One Source and stated how much money a spouse could use of the approved $6000, was basically fictitious – not a guarantee of funds to use but a guide to what might be a spouse’s fund if a per term financial assistance voucher was completed which would be limited to current class enrollments costing as much as $2000 per college class.

At the time of the shutdown, Erickson successfully used about $3000 of her supposed $6000 fund, a total of six college classes offered at Columbia College. Although the following is still unclear due to the DOD’s ambiguous responses to questioning, the tuition assistance funds were essentially pooled and taken from a big pot, instead of being specifically allocated to each spouse’s online account. When that pot grew close to emptying, the plug was pulled on the program, without notification, regardless of the funds balance.

The DOD seems to have failed to accurately anticipate the level of interest in this program and grossly underestimated the required funding. With the January spike in DOD approvals of spouse program applications officials appeared to have approved too many applications for funds that were not available and instead of turning away new applicants due to insufficient funds, they shut down the program for review purposes.

Erickson believes this shutdown is the result of poor oversight, saying

“The pool of funds should have been better accounted for when considering what funding was already approved to a large number of spouses. I was under the impression that the MyCAA program would stop taking applications at a certain point in order to maintain service to those already promised funds. “

Erickson went on to say, “For my account, I looked at this transaction as binding – I was approved for $6000, I counted on that $6000 and expected to use it fully. A person cannot walk away from a student loan of $6000 and say – oh sorry I have no more money – so MyCAA should not be allowed to do the same.”

When asked if the program would be brought back online, Shanaghan alluded that it would, but would probably be changed as a result of the review.

Should anyone interested in this topic wish to find out more, Pat Shanaghan can be reached at 901-874-6643. In addition, more information can be found at the Facebook community group Take Action Against MyCaa Shutdown.

March 1 at 9:25am